how to deal with rejection

You’ve dealt with rejection before, so why is it still hard to face? We all experience rejection, and yet it’s very difficult to get used to. Rejection affects your self-worth, and self-love. It can cripple your actions even before you embark on them. Understanding how to deal with rejection, can help you to achieve your goals, and offer you personal insight.

If you deal with people at all, it is inevitable to get rejected at some point. This may be a rejection from getting a job, or in a personal relationship. In fact, if you’ve never been rejected, you’re not living. But rejection is not something to fear or avoid. It’s an inevitability, that is a part of reaching out to getting things done.

Being prepared for consequences to any action, allows you to fully explore your options. There are several tips to consider, even before you’ve been rejected.

1. Detach Yourself

When dealing with rejection, emotionally detach yourself from the outcome. This is a big one. If you can only apply this one tip, you will never have to worry about being rejected again. Our social makeup is very result oriented. The value of results are drilled into us from early childhood. We learn that our self-worth is measured by the results of our actions.

This isn’t so. Fundamentally any undertaking, in some form, is a service offered to someone or something. In the eyes of the Creator, all service is equally valuable, no matter the outcome. No matter whether or not you succeed or fail in your efforts. Have you heard the saying: “The reward is in the journey”? That’s exactly what it means.

From this point of view, the effort trumps the outcome. It’s no longer important if you get that job. It’s more important that you tried. Furthermore, if you didn’t get that job, it may not have been the best outcome for you. With continued effort without emotional attachment, you will eventually succeed.

2. Love Yourself

Don’t beat yourself up for getting rejected. You can find a hundred reasons why it was your fault, but ultimately, you did what you could under the circumstances. If you blame yourself, your self-esteem and your love for yourself will gradually decline. You will loose your self confidence and the ability to keep going.

Your love for yourself is paramount. At the end of the day, you will always comeback to your self. And if you don’t love yourself, you will only suffer more. Here are a few things you can do today, to love yourself more.

Change your self-dialogue. We hold a mental conversation with ourselves all the time. Learn to pay close attention to it. You may catch mentally blaming yourself, or putting yourself down. You will have to change that. Praise yourself, congratulate yourself. Offer yourself support such as: “That’s OK Vlad, you tried your best, good work!” Let yourself know that you love yourself.

Another way to show yourself love, is to pamper yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally. Take a bath, get a massage, go on a meditation or yoga retreat. In other words, nurture yourself. Show yourself that you love who you are, and that you are proud to be you.

3. Don’t Give Up (Ever)

Whenever we attempt anything, we are almost guaranteed some degree of failure. Don’t get discouraged by it. You owe it to yourself to keep at it. You simply can not fail if you but only try. But you are guaranteed to fail permanently if you stop your efforts.

Just think back in history, how many times have great people failed before finally succeeding? Do you know of anyone who succeeded without trying? If they did, it was a fluke. The names of those who gave up are forever obscured by history.

In Conclusion

I’ll leave you with the following thought. It’s not the rejection that makes you feel bad, it’s how you perceive it. The rejection is simply one of the possible outcomes of an action. It’s neither good, or bad. It’s just an outcome. If you see it as something terrible, it will be so. If you see it as something positive to accept and learn from, it will be so. The choice is yours.

Live well. Vlad

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2 Responses to how to deal with rejection

  1. Ray March 4, 2012 at 12:26 am #

    Primary when we get rejected we feel as if we’re not good enough anyone, for anybody. It breaks down our self-confidence as well as our image. I guess a lot of people are too afraid of rejection and their sub-conscious affects them. But i certainly agree with you. It all depends on how you perceive it.

    • Vlad March 4, 2012 at 12:47 am #

      Hi Ray!
      Thanks for coming by and sharing. Yes, you are correct. For many people, rejection is a major obstacle because it affects the self-confidence. But much of this is due to the sensitivity of the ego. So learning to separate yourself from the ego helps to alleviate the fear.

      But it does require practice. I try to work at the detachment myself… Of course I don’t always succeed. :-)

      Thanks! Vlad