how to deal with jealous people

Right from the start, I want to make it very clear that jealousy is not a part of love. There are people who have a misconception that by expressing jealousy, they are exhibiting their love. But this isn’t a healthy expression. Here is how to deal with jealous people in your life.

There are a number of factors to consider when dealing with jealousy in a relationship. As with most everything else, a good place to start is by taking a closer look at yourself. This is because we tend to attract people with similar characteristics. Chances are, if your partner exhibits jealousy trates, it is because you may have them as well.

Taking responsibility by addressing your own jealousy issues will assure that in the future you will surround yourself with people that are more like you. When dealing with a jealous or envious partner, friend, colleague or a stranger, follow these steps to work things out.

1. Assess The Situation

When assessing the situation, it can help tremendously if you can place yourself in the position of the person who is exhibiting the jealous behavior. You may be surprised what causes them to feel the way they do. Their jealousy may stem from a previous abusive relationship, low self esteem, or even your own actions.

2. Avoid Contributing to Jealousy

Determine if there is actually something that you’re doing consciously or subconsciously that contributes to the feelings of jealousy. Examine yourself and your motivations. If you find that you are indeed creating this situation, analyze why you are doing it, and strongly consider discontinuing these actions.

3. Promote Self Esteem

After concluding that you are not responsible for their feelings, reassure your partner that you are not intentionally trying to cause them jealousy. Do your best to explain to them how much you love them, and that they have nothing to worry about. Promote their self esteem by reminding them what qualities attract you to them, and why you are together.

4. Communicate

Don’t shut down your communication, instead talk it out. Ask the other person why they feel jealous. Try to determine what motivates their actions. Discuss possible ways that you can cooperatively resolve the underlying issues. Find ways to work together to find a solution. If a plan of action is made, make sure to follow up on it.

5. Disconnect

Once all attempts to resolve the issue fail, the only option which is available to you, is to disconnect. Depending on the nature of the relationship, you may choose to disconnect emotionally or physically. Disconnecting, does not mean being upset or angry. A healthy emotional disconnect should be courteous, yet firm.

You must take measures to protect your emotional well being. As unfortunate as it may be, disconnecting from a jealous person may be unavoidable if it means your security and quality of life. Don’t hold on to a relationship at the cost of destroying your life. It isn’t worth it.

In Conclusion

Coexisting with other people means dealing with lots of different characters and personalities. You will not necessarily get along with everyone. But through better understanding of yourself, you will gain insight into the behavior of others. Everyone deserves a chance. We are all much more alike than we realize.

Live well. Vlad

2 Responses to how to deal with jealous people

  1. Noch Noch | be me. be natural. April 3, 2012 at 6:55 am #

    I used to be a very jealous person. i think it came with comparing too much
    depression has taught me humility though and my jealousy is no more..
    Noch Noch

    • Vlad April 5, 2012 at 4:59 am #

      You are right. Ego leads to attachment. Attachment leads to envy and jealousy. But suffering teaches us to just “let go”. Once we stop hanging on, the jealousy is no more.

      Thanks for coming by. :-)

      Vlad