how to control anger with kids

Children are the ultimate gauge of your demeanor and self control. They sense your mood and emotions, often mimicking them. They feel your peace and calmness as well as your anxieties and anger. Children test you at every step. But there is nothing as beautiful as when they give you their love.

I heard an interesting point of view that I will share with you about parenting. Some parents fall into a false belief that they “own” their children. That this ownership gives them the right to treat their children in any way they see fit.

In reality, parents have the legal responsibility to care for the well being of their children. This does not give them the right of ownership. No human being is owned by another. Our ownership belongs to the higher power. So let’s treat our kids with at least the respect that we would offer a stranger or a coworker.

Among life’s many challenges, parenting is right at the top of the list. Parenting changed my life at its core. Becoming an effective, patient parent while dealing with life’s problems isn’t easy. Emotions can catch you off guard and send you on a roller coaster ride if you’re not careful.

Whats more, you don’t want your kids to end up on the receiving end of your anger. Ever. The repercussions of that are too numerous to list. Lucky for you, being a parent gives you the reason and the opportunity to work out your own childhood and adult issues alike. Learn how to control anger with kids by becoming more self aware.

1. Work Out Your Past

Identify any issues in your past that may be contributing to your present anger. Look at your own childhood for unresolved anger. Where you abused or hurt as a child? Do you remember anger bouts in your family? Ask yourself questions and take the necessary measures to heal yourself before harming your child.

2. Work Out Your Present

All too often, we bring our personal dissatisfaction and outside influences back into our home. Analyze your present for any unresolved issues with your job, your family and your spouse. Now is the time to do something about them. Any fear that you may have about making changes in your life, should be outweighed by your responsibility to your child.

3. Keep Life in Perspective

You already know what makes you angry or upset. But remember that you have the control of your emotions. To help yourself, mentally divide your child’s actions into two separate categories. Place smaller misbehaviors into one category. These don’t require a strong response from you. Smaller acts of misbehavior or acting out, can be overlooked to to maintain the peace.

In the second category place actions that should not be overlooked. The more serious misconducts that deserve to be addressed. Keep these categories separate and exercise control over your response to them. This serves as a good discipline for both you and your child.

4. Give Yourself A Break

Finally, schedule a break from parenting. I can not overstate the value of a little time off for yourself. Relax, regroup and rejuvenate yourself. Don’t feel guilty for taking care of your own needs. You are responsible for the well being of your child. But it doesn’t mean that you have to ignore yourself.

In fact, the better emotional and physical shape you’re in, the more effective you will be as a parent. I try to schedule regular time off to exercise or do yoga, meditate, or just relax at a cafe. A short break helps me to unwind and regroup myself. After the break, I find that I am a much more productive parent.

In Conclusion

Remember there is no such thing as a “perfect parent”. Parenting is work in progress. It’s one of life’s greatest learning experiences. It can be extremely rewarding even while you’re trying to work things out. You can learn much about yourself, and about the new human being that you’re introducing into this world.

Live well. Vlad

4 Responses to how to control anger with kids

  1. Sonny January 26, 2012 at 4:20 pm #


    What a great post! You give some real and great advice on parenting here. As a parent of two teens, I agree with you that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. It certainly is work in progress. I’ve enjoyed reading your other posts too. Keep up your great work! Thanks, -Sonny-

    • Vlad January 26, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

      Sonny, thanks for coming by the site!

      With the two teenagers, I’m sure you’ve got your hands full. Strive to keep things in perspective and don’t forget to take care of yourself too!

      Thanks again!

  2. Meera Shah May 23, 2012 at 5:05 pm # was good to read ur short, sweet n to the point note!! i m a mother of two n with a lot of anger in me! i just don’t know how to control it when my children misbehaves!but i m sure ur idea of dividing their acts in two separate catagories wil help me. thank you so much! i would love to read more of ur articles.

    • Vlad Rapoport May 24, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

      Hi Meera,
      Glad you found this useful. Parenting is something that must evolve, often through trial and error. With my own son, often just when I think I’ve got things figured out, I’ll face a brand new challenge!

      But parenting is also being aware of your own triggers and emotions. I find that if I’m in a better emotional state, it’s much easier to deal with whatever comes my way.

      Good luck! Vlad