Forgive me if this post seems a bit biased. But I’ll go out on a limb to say, that in our society men have much greater difficulty expressing themselves and their emotions as do women. This is what motivated me to write this post about coping with divorce for men. Lets start from the beginning.
All the way from the time we are children, our society provided us with a stereotypical message as to what we should be like. Be rugged, act tough, don’t cry, don’t show your weakness or emotions. This may have worked when men lived in caves. Unfortunately today, this is a self defeating approach. And many of emotional issues stem from it.
Because as men we are inherently less equipped to deal with our emotions, we often find ourselves confused or trapped as a result of a serious event such as a divorce. And unlike our counterparts, we are unable to easily confide in our friends, making the process even more difficult. I’ve seen this time and time again, when my man friends fell off the radar following a divorce.
It doesn’t have to be so. Let me tell you that there is help available. But to be effective in the healing process, you must get in touch with your sensitive self. That’s right, your sensitive self. Forget what a stereotypical man should be like. A man is no less of a man when he is in touch with his heart. You must acknowledge your feelings and learn to deal with them, in order to move on.
Men tend to shut down. Even if shutting down feels more natural to you, it’s important to allow yourself to open up. Sharing your feelings takes practice. You may not feel totally comfortable at first. However, communicating will give you an immense emotional release.
Communicate to those who will understand, and who you feel comfortable with. Find a close personal friend, or a professional counselor who will have the necessary compassion and wisdom for you. In addition, you can join an online, or a brick and mortar share groups where you will be able to meet other people going through a divorce.
Grieving is healthy. Grieving is a necessary process for healing. There are grieving stages that must be experience before you are released from the pain. This is an unavoidable process. You can either deal with it willingly on your own terms, or painfully and drawn out, while dealing with it subconsciously.
Clearly, it’s to your advantage to deal with it directly. Look at grieving as a cleansing process. Consult with someone knowledgeable, or read up on the stages of grieving. Understand where you are currently positioned in this process, what to expect next, and how to best assist yourself.
It can be difficult, but forgiving plays a giant role in the healing process. No matter how hurt you may be, in order to move on you’ve got to find forgiveness in your heart. Without it, you will remain caught in the past. The forgiveness process is as much for you, as it is for others.
In order for forgiveness to be effective, it needs to be genuinely felt in your heart. It may or may not need to be communicated, depending on your personal circumstances. Mentally practice sending your forgiveness and goodwill to everyone involved.
Undoubtedly, this is your new beginning. Treat it as such. This is the time in your life that’s rich with new possibilities. But you must allow yourself to receive them. The divorce has created a vacuum in your life. Given the opportunity, this vacuum can fill up with beautiful new beginnings.
Remember that no matter how terrible you are feeling right now, this time will pass. Work on detaching yourself from the negative emotions and thoughts of the past. Remain positive and place your mindset on starting to rebuild your life.
Yes, you are going through a rough period of life. I have compassion and understanding for you. But as with all other unfortunate situations, rest assured that it will get better. Don’t just take my word for it. Look back at your own experience to validate this fact. Time will heal your wounds, but it’s up to you to passively wait for it to happen, or take a proactive approach by helping yourself to evolve.
Live well. Vlad