some of the best ways to get over a break up: reflect, understand, forgive

The dark void that is a break up… We suffer and loose ourselves in the sorrow that follows a break up with someone we love. Of life’s many sorrows, a break up seems like a small death, taunting us with the memories of what is no more.

But life must go on. So what are the best ways to get over a break up? Do you relentlessly seek out another to replace your loss? Do you plunge yourself into your job in hopes of forgetting your pain? Or, do you find peace in your solitude, and perhaps learn a lesson or two to bring forward with you into your life?

Being human myself, I’ve had a share of break ups in my life. It felt dark and hopeless. But finding the strength to go on, and turning the experience from negative into a positive, can make all the difference in your life. It offers you the opportunity to grow and evolve.

1. Stay Calm

The time when you’re getting over a break up may seem like the end of the world, but let me tell you that it’s not. Instead, use this time to rediscover yourself and to understand what happened. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You are under a lot of stress. Give yourself time to heal.

2. Stay Healthy

Take a few days off from work if you can. Cancel a few appointments or cut down on some commitments that you may have. Don’t forget to eat healthy. Supplement that with vitamins and drink plenty of fluids.

Pamper yourself, by getting a massage, or relax at a spa. Lite exercise can also help you to cut down on stress. Don’t turn to unhealthy habits to drown your suffering. This will just weaken your immune system and make you feel worst.

Meditation and Yoga are excellent remedies for your emotional balance. If you’re already practicing these, by all means, don’t stop. If not, this is an opportune time to give them a try. Very basic meditation and yoga courses can be found online, as well as at many brick and mortar studios.

3. Reflect

The above is your first aid kit. It sets a healthy lifestyle pattern that will help you get through the worst times. Next comes the part when you reflect on your past relationship. This part is not an easy one, especially if the relationship lasted for a while, or is associated with abuse or pain.

You can choose to go through the retrospect alone, or with the help of a professional. Don’t feel embarrassed to seek help. It’s not a sign of weakness or immaturity. Often it takes someone outside of you, to listen to your story, and give you an unbiased advise.

In your retrospect, you want to emotionally remove yourself from what has happened and take a clear look at your past relationship. You want to asses it for what it truly was. All of it, the good, the bad and the ugly. How did the break up make you feel. What were the key issues between you. When did you notice the relationship begin to decline.

4. Understand

Was it a communication issue. What could you have done differently. How could you have handled it better. Many times, you will readily have the answers. Sometimes however, they may not be so obvious and will require more contemplation on your part.

It’s important to allow yourself to understand what led to the break up. Finding peace with it and with yourself, will lead you to greater understanding of yourself, and of human nature in general. Having closure will free you to continue with the healing process.

5. Forgive

Yes I know, that’s a tough one. Especially if it was your partner who initiated the break up. You may feel hurt, cheated, lied to and humiliated. But understand this, only when you find forgiveness in your heart, will you truly be free of your pain.

The forgiveness is not as much for the other person, as it is for you. It doesn’t even have to be communicated, but it must be genuine. It must come from your heart. Look at it this way, it is done. The relationship is over, and now is the time to rebuild your life. You may as well let go of the burden of hatred so that you can move forward.

In Conclusion

I want to leave you with this final thought. No matter how much pain you’ve experienced, don’t lose hope. Each one of us is a spiritual being. We’re all on our individual journeys as they pertain to our development. Learn to look at others, past the different personalities, past the egos. Look at everyone as a spirit looking at another spirit. There is God in each one of us. Try to see this beauty in all.

Live well. Vlad

2 Responses to some of the best ways to get over a break up: reflect, understand, forgive

  1. Noch Noch December 22, 2011 at 4:39 am #

    thanks for sharing this Vlad. I wish I had read this when I broke up with my ex 4 years ago :)
    but today, i find that what you say above is also useful for breaking up with not only people, but say, past events / habits / lifestyle. I just applied those few points in thinking about “breaking up” with my company (yes the legalities drone on)…. and you know, it’s not that bad after all. And i need to forgive myself for pushing myself to the limit. I didn’t do anything wrong. No one’s fault. It’s just that time has come for us, my company and i, to go separate ways
    Noch Noch

    • Vlad December 22, 2011 at 8:59 pm #

      Hi Noch!
      Thank you for pointing out the correlation. You are absolutely right, a “break up” is any disconnect. How it’s handled is universal. The worst disconnects are the ones that are drawn out, such as in your case, it seems. Removing yourself emotionally will go far to help you out.

      Sounds like you’re already on the right track! Thanks for visiting. :-)

      Vlad